Motel Hell (how not to be in)

This is a reference to an old movie starring Rory Calhoun (you know him—the one who’s always standing up and walking?) about a man who kidnaps guests at his motel and makes them into smoked sausage to sell at the roadside. “Motel Hell” is also the name of a blog that posts postcards of 1950s motor inns, several of which uncannily resemble many present day Weirs Beach motels.

My goal today is to help you find a place to stay that is clean, well-located, reasonably priced, with no evidence of cannibalism on or near the premises.

This is not as easy as it sounds.

For one, it is a Nascar weekend. There is a big racetrack approximately a half hour away from the Weirs Beach area, and many people who attend the races stay in the area, mostly showing up after dark (I will avoid negative stereotyping here, but I did go to one Nascar race in the early 1990s. Did you know it’s just cars going around in a circle? Well, I didn’t.)

It’s also the weekend after Motorcycle week, the biggest event in the Weirs all year, our version of Sturgis. Many families wait until after Bike Week to start their summer, so the weekend of the 26th/27th is sort of the unofficial “kickoff” o f the summer season: the lake is warming up, the beaches are open for business, it’s finally hot out. We will be competing for rooms with both vacationers and Nascar fans, which means that rooms are at a premium (can be up to $250-300/night).It’s also very hard to tell based on websites which places are decent and which ones are dumps, or which places are close to civilization and which ones are remote—this is not like Kennebunkport or even Portsmouth, where pretty much every tourist hotel is guaranteed to be nice.

This is all my very roundabout way of suggesting that you may want to book your hotel or lodging sooner rather than later. For those of you driving a distance or flying, we want to provide some low or no-cost lodging options, too.

Hotels/Motels
Below are nearby hotels/motels that are decent and relatively close by and, as of today, still have rooms available. Many of these places have both motels and cottages, and some have cottages that sleep as many as 6 if you have a bigger group. I have linked to them so you can check them out yourself. These places all have good reputations in the area and are known to be clean, well-run, and managed by sane people who will not kidnap you and make you into bratwurst.

1. The Cozy Inn and Cottages (2-night minimum)
2. Barton’s Motel (not sure if there’s a minimum—people interested in staying there are encouraged to write to them and request the dates they want)
3. Inns at Mills Falls (3-night minimum)
4. Grand View Motel and Resort (2 –night minimum)
5. Tuckernuck Inn Bed and Breakfast

Remember that, wherever you stay, we will provide any transportation you need to and from the airport and to and from the wedding and any other group events (wedding morning beach dodgeball, anyone?)

Campgrounds
Just for kicks, I priced the cost of renting a “standard” RV (with shower, kitchen, two double beds) from Chicago to NH for 5 days at about $650, not including gas. I’m not sure if that’s a good deal, but there are numerous campgrounds in the area, including Gunstock Mountain (about 20 minutes from the Weirs) and Ellacoya State Park Beach (also about 20 minutes away). Ellacoya charges just about $47/night for an RV to camp, with hookups for water, power, etc. There are also many campgrounds if you want to set up tents and don’t have an RV—most have showers and some are in really beautiful areas.

Lakeland
My mother has also offered the use of the school she co-owns (and where she also directs and teaches, too) as a lodging place for wedding guests as well. Now, you may be picturing a brick building with tile floors and classrooms, but Lakeland is no ordinary school—it is a magical place where kids wear slippers in class and learn how to snowboard and take classes in multi-aged groups instead of in regular grades. It’s open concept and full of light. The building was once a vacation resort at the turn of the century, and the wraparound porch in the back overlooks a lake (see picture): it is actually in a nicer spot than many of the actual resorts in the area. We can bring in some air mattresses and cots to make it comfortable, and it has bathrooms, a stove, a microwave, fridge, a time out chair, and lots of reading material. One thing it does not have is a shower, but I’m sure my parents would not mind if you showered at their house. Let me know as soon as you can if you are interested in this option so I can let her know.

I also heard the haunted castle is free, if you dare…