Those are the best words I have ever heard or will ever hear in my life!
I am finding that it is hard to write at this point, even with Betty sleeping, and everything quiet, because it's so strange to have your life change completely but be living in the same house, with the same things around you, and the same shows on the tivo and unfinished books on the night table. This is true for any major life change, good or bad, though. Everything looks the same, but there's been a fundamental shift that makes it feel as though what you are living in is a clever copy of your old life.
Still, two things stick out to me: one, even when planning for Betty's arrival for nine months and, in some ways, the many years before, nothing could have prepared me for what it was really like, and it's something I can't even describe or explain quite yet. Two, labor is so, so bad. It's bad. There are not words for pain like that. I wanted to kill every single health care professional who uttered "just breathe through it" when I had a contraction. I remember wondering how any woman could go through that twice voluntarily, or even more than twice. But, even though I swore I would never forget that pain, not even a week later is is already receding into the hazy distance of that 27 or so hours leading to Betty's birth.
My hair stylist told me this fall that when she had her baby she was sad not to be pregnant anymore. I thought that was crazy, but I do miss being able to protect Betty completely from hunger and cold and upset. Does she understand when I change her diaper that I have to do it, that I'm not trying to make her miserable? Or that when I was making every effort to feed her, I didn't know I wasn't producing enough food for her (will she not trust me now?) How do other people do this?
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You had me at the title! : ) What an amazing experience - you made a little person! You and Scott are going to have so much fun with her. We can't wait to meet her, including Sophie and Claire (who already knows that baby on the computer is "Betty Rose!").
ReplyDeleteWhen I was pregnant my mother said to me , "This is the easiest parenting you will ever do." It barely made sense when I was two weeks over-due and just wanted the baby to be born. Then... well, it made total sense.
ReplyDeleteEven with a 16 month-old I still wonder how women do this two, three, four+ times in a lifetime.
Very glad to see she is sleeping enough that you are uploading photos and coherent, funny, touching blog posts.